OK here it goes!

News from up North

Well it's Friday the 13th of October at 12.20 am is this a good time to start a blog? After all I have been reading all day, my little eyeballs are tired and also I have an eye infection...but I felt the need to get going on this "blog" thing.
I have never really been interested in new technology, I don't own an I-Pod and it is only last year I traded in my Walkman for a personal CD player...so the idea of joining the latest craze of sharing your every thought with the world aka blogging didn't exactly "float my boat". Upon reflection and as I am supposed to be a writer of some description I thought "what the hell" and here I am! I must however point out that I am very technophoebic and uploading photos and creating all singing and all dancing web pages is not my thing, but I will try my best!
After reading Anne-Marie and Katharine's attempts I feel very intimidated, as I doubt that mine will be as half as interesting...but hey ho let's give it a go!

So here I am in not so sunny Huddersfield. It seems like a bit of a mind melt actually being here as if you had told me this time last year that I'd be doing a PhD in Hudds I would have laughed..a lot! Escaping from the land of song wasn't an option but it's been a hard road to follow, especially after jut having a superb year at Cardiff University.

After leaving Glamorgan with a First Class Hons and some sort of prize for apparently being old but clever, starting at Cardiff fo my MA seemed the obvious next step...confidence was high and enthusiasm unquestioned. How quickly I was brought back into reality after my first meeting with Prof. Alison Wray, who informed a room of "green" students that "We can fail you!" (a day we shall all remember for a long time!). How lucky I was to met a fab group of students who were as intimidated as me in the presence of the aforementioned AW.

The "Americans" comprise of Anne-Marie and Katharine (with an "a") who I spent many a happy hour talking about anything and everything over a coffee in "our coffee shop with the nice Scottish bloke". The "German" is the incredibly tall Steffi, although a gentle giant she was particularly useful on sunny days as she gave my dwarf like body ample shade! The "Greek" mad Georgia when I say Greek I mean "Week" as she sounds more Welsh than me..is partial to a bit of bad language but a good sort. Finally there's "Posh Welsh" or Laura who lives in a huge house, is very rich, has a butler called Jeeves and finally takes it all in her stride how I take the pi** out of her postcode!
So there you have it, the collective who kept me company through 12 great, sometimes stressful months.

Anyway, the last 4 months were a bit of a 'mare! Started off really in late June, I decided to apply for a studentship in Huddersfield, not really thinking that I had a hope in hell of getting it, as I hadn't actually finished my MA. To my suprise I actually got an interview, so I toddled up to Hudds with my sister Jane for support (who actually wanted a few days away from the kids but ended up having a 'mare of a trip). We drove up which took 4 hours and found our hotel which prided itself on its "Award winning carpark"....personally I have never heard of a carpark winning an award before...would like to have heard the acceptance speech!..
Anyway, when we got there it was a "family" run firm but the guy behind the bar/reception/breakfast bar area (good use of space) introduced us to his wife and sister, but there was only one woman stood next to him (get the picture?). This did not install me with confidence!

We had a wander around the town, looked ok, but I wanted to get an early night as my interview was quite early the next day. However, I didn't read on the webpage for the hotel that it is "immediately adjacent to Johnny's Nightclub where Karaoke goes on a high volume until 1.00am" ...they seemed to have missed that bit out...strange?
After 3 choruses of "My Way" and "Light My Fire" I was not very pleased!

Three hours sleep later....my alarm went off....so we got dressed and went to breakfast....which you had to see to believe.....the reception area was now the breakfast bar having been "transformed" by a checkered table cloth...amazing! We sat at our table and were given two cups of stewed cold tea.....but then the mutation or son of the previously described proprietor came over and in a deep, I smoke 60 a day voice asked "Do you want cooked?" .....now I wasn't too sure exactly what he was offerering to be cooked, but I assumed (as one does) that he was referring to a Full English Breakfast. At this point my sister, who was trying to contain herself from laughing, managed to squeak "yes please", so I did the same. Jane's belief that Huddersfield was actually the real "Royston Vasey" was only fuelled by the breakfast experience ! I could go on to describe the "devastation on a plate" aka "cooked breakfast" that arrived, but as I have a lot to get through I will save anyone reading this the stomach churning read, but needless to say that I attended my interview after eating a Special K cereal bar and an apple!
So the interview came and went...I "dazzled" them with my gant charts and literary searches..but most importantly, when asked if I could re-locate, I was at the peak of bravado...re-locate? of course I could re-locate, not a problem at all!

The phone rings at 10.15am the next day, it's Liz Holt the main interviewer and successful candidate's supervisor...."We'd like to offer you the studentship" she said...my world changed. I accepted. I thanked her. I cried.

So that's what started my 4 months of torment. I didn't think I'd get it. I now had to sell my house, find a place to live in Hudds, re-house my cats, leave my friends, leave my family and completely uproot my life to West Yorkshire 216 miles away. OMG I panicked, did I really want a PhD that badly? what other options did I have..none! Well I could work in Brinsons Estate Agents FT, but that was not an attractive proposition! There were several reasons that made me decide to go for it .....

1. I am 37 I have made a bit of a mess of my life so far. No husband, no kids, a career I didn't want or was any good at but more importantly a feeling of low self worth and belief that I never thought I'd be capable of getting a BA without an MA (award pending!) so a PhD....OMG what an opportunity to stick 2 fingers up to those who have doubted me over the years.
2. Talking of opportunity, it is not often that these studentships come up. Funding in academia is non-existent as some of my MA pals are unfortunately finding out...and I have this golden opportunity to get where I want to be, a lecturer and researcher.
3. I am not doing this for the kudos of being "Dr Dawn" ..I am doing this for me as an individual who was always told "Dawn needs to make more effort" in school, who was kicked out of "A" level English ...and who wants to make people close to me proud, rather than see me as a continual let down and failure.
So I accepted and put the house on the market.

After selling the house ..twice....finding a flat in Hudds which is 3 mins from the Uni (so much for walking to work to get fit!) ...the only thing left was to re-house my cats..this was the bad bit. My two "children" Chloe and Marble were not just cats they were the company I had in the house when all of the 4 years of chaos of living with ungrateful tenants got too much. I loved them dearly and even writing this after two weeks of saying goodbye to them is making me upset. The guilt of giving them back to the RSPCA is terrible and I miss them more than words can say. I just hope and pray that they find good homes for them and this PhD is worth all of the sacrifices that I have made. OK need to move on now.

While all of this madness was going on, I still had the little matter of writing my MA dissertation. "intrinsic and extrinsic religious motivation: a qualitative and quantiative analysis" (so bored of writing that notice that I couldn't be bothered to use capitals?). Anyway, got my data in July....but wrote 18,500 words in the 5 days before hand in....yes DawnyLastminute.com strikes again! Poor Laura and me were in constant crisis communication...her advising me to drink lots of black coffee and me advising her to take lots of deep breaths...it was all too much! We were all in the same boat and even after handing in and attending our pre-planned post dissertation hand in piss up..we were all to knackered to paint the town red...not even a pale pink was achieved that night! (see attached pic!)
After all of that...I had 10 days to pack. Not good. A large 3 bedroomed house and 37 years worth of crap had to be fitted into a 1 bed flat.....ummm......even though I am not mathematically inclined (as Brady keeps reminding me!) even I knew it was not going to be easy. I as very lucky that my Mum and Sister helped or I never would have done it.

I had a "leaving party" at the Goodrich Pub in Caerphilly on Saturday September 23rd. It was a great night. Claire, Jane and Sharron had got to the pub earlier and decorated it with balloons, banners and lots of embarrassing photos which showed the various hairstyles of Dawn over the years...but the talking point of the evening was a "walrus arse" shot, which even tough it was the same size of my ever expanding back side..I dispute to this day was actually mine! Anyway, lot of friends from school, uni and work turned up, I was very humbled by the effort everybody made to see me off...or as John put it...make sure I go!
Everybody was very drunk, even Matthew Jones said that he'd miss me which totally threw me as words of kindness are not often thrown my way!

OK so I arrived on Wed Sept. 27th. It was a 5 hour train journey and then the cowboys arrived to deliver my furniture. Two smashed glasses, a broken mug, a chipped headboard, 3 broken finger nails and a lost temper..not bad! After they left, leaving a horrible sweaty man smell behind them, I sat on my sofa, stared at the mound of boxes surrounding me and thought "bloody hell"....in the true British spirit I had a cup of tea and got stuck in. By the time I went to bed I was aching in places that I didn't know could ache so I slept well.

The next day I had my first meeting with Liz, before which a lovely NTL man came and connected my broadband, cable and phone..I love him! Back to the meeting...it went well even though I had to stop yawning and I looked like a rabbit in the headlights. However, she did hit me with the bombshell that's she's pregnant...how inconsiderate! So I my have to teach in January which is earlier than planned..after the 4 months I'd had I just said ...Bring it on!

Friday 29th.....bad day at Fraggle Rock! Another bunch of delivery people who wore spurs and stetsons appeared to deliver my washing machine.and more importantly fit it. This did not happen. They couldn't get it to work so they left. AAAAARRRGGHH! didn't really need this. So I decided to wait for the managing agents "handy man" Jack to turn up in order to look at it. He was already booked in for Wed. as I had a leaking tap, broken toilet seat, and a window and door which wouldn't close properly (the joys of renting property). Anyway this appointment was moved swiftly forward on the Sunday, when I noticed that the connection pipes for the washing machine were leaking all over the floor under the sink. Not good.
I tried mopping it up and putting a container under it, but it was bubbling away merrily. This was the last straw. I turned the water off and went for a lie down. I began to sweat and shake, I had pins and needles in my fingers and fet and pains across my chest. With the history of coronary disease in my family I feared the worst.
I pictured the headlines "Welsh student found dead in flat - suspected heart attack due to leaking pipes"..... yikes!
In order to calm myself down I listened to Duran Duran and did some breathing exercises..it seemed to do the trick. After I felt a bit better the last four months caught up with me in 4 minutes...I cried...a lot.
What have I done? Why the hell am I here? Dawn you are such an arse...were the three main questions/statements screamed out in frustration that evening. Followed by a lot of ...Oh for God's sake pull yourself together...that old chestnut always seems to do the trick!
So the next day, feeling better after the previous night's hysterical outburst, my man Jack turned up and fixed all my drips..oh er missus! I started to like my flat again as all it's problems were solved...so there was a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel!

I think I'd best end here as there's so much more to say but it's 1.40am......if I press the publish post button and it looses everything I have just written...it could be a swift end to my blogging experience! Ah well here it goes....